The Therapist as a Mother: My Journey Through the "Right Way"
The Burden of Knowing
Being a therapist trained in child development, perinatal, and prenatal care makes parenting… complex. My brain is rarely "off." I am constantly reflecting, analyzing, and striving to minimize emotional disconnection.
When my first daughter was born, I was finishing my Master’s program—overwhelmed and exhausted. By her first birthday, I began training in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). Suddenly, my mind was reeling. I was trying to parent her the "right way," obsessing over evidence-based curriculums. While the skills eventually helped us bond in a beautiful, unexpected way, I learned a difficult lesson: there is no "perfect" way to parent, especially when you are just starting out.
When the Ground Shifts
Just as I felt I’d found my footing, life swiped it from under me. My son was born six weeks early. Though he was healthy, he spent ten days in the NICU.
In those moments, my clinical training felt like a heavy weight. I wasn’t just a worried mom; I was a trained observer who knew exactly what "could" go wrong. I asked the doctors endless questions, my mind spinning with developmental markers and "what ifs." I spent nights crying, gripped by a mix of anxiety, grief, and the crushing guilt of missing my daughter's first day of preschool.
I wasn't a therapist in the NICU. I was a "hot mess." And that was exactly what I needed to be.
Finding the Way Back to Connection
Bringing my son home was a joy, but it triggered a new season of adjustment. My daughter’s "You don't love me" stage began, and the jealousy was real.
We didn't look for a "gold standard" fix. Instead, we went back to the basics. I returned to the core of the PCIT skills I taught my clients—specifically the "5 minutes of special play." It wasn’t about being a perfect clinician; it was about using simple, intentional techniques to make her feel seen and loved during a time of massive transition.
We Don't Have to Walk This Path Alone
My journey into motherhood has been a series of peaks and valleys—some paved with professional knowledge, and others with raw, tearful uncertainty.
What I know now is that while our paths are different, we aren't meant to walk them in isolation. Whether you are navigating the NICU, the "terrible twos," or the transition to a family of four, community and support are what turn a daunting journey into a manageable one.
Hiking trail in southern California- photo by Patricia Hernandez
